Room for pain

 Life is like going 0/10/1, and you know you suck. You don't want to rage quit so you're just hanging on hoping it'll end soon and stop the torture. Except, no, you don't want to start a new game and try again. You just end the game and delete it.

Calm is the tension between the storms Still, silent. Calm is the foreboding that precedes fear. Simmering, roiling. Calm is grey descending into black. Creeping, encroaching. Calm. Calm deceives. It is anxiety resting from exhaustion. It is fear winding up another punch. It is despair that cannot be voiced. It is the stillness that comes from paralysis. Breathe deep. Be calm.

 Duck, tuck and roll Duck, tuck and roll That's how we get through the day. Duck, tuck and roll Duck, tuck and roll Today, all day, that's the way. Things will come, we'll roll over them Things will hit, the roll will get past them Things will hurt, you're rolling rolling rolling on. Then it will be over, you may be bruised But you will have rolled through the day. Did you remember to pick up the correct things As you were rolling? Did you remember to care about others As you were rolling? Did you do your job As you were rolling? Duck, tuck and roll. Roll.

It hurts when something unexpected happens. Most days, I wish I could give up. I haven't yet. I hope one day I will be allowed to give up. Or I will no longer want to give up. One day, I will no longer need to work. I will lie down and rest. One day, I will no longer need to answer to anyone. I will stay silent and keep to myself. One day, I will no longer owe anyone anything, or fall behind, or drag another down. I will be able to stop and die if I need to. One day.